In the name of God, here's looking forward to a single, unified Orthodox Church of the United States.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Such is the Life

It's not gotten any easier, you know. Even when this time apart is shorter than the one before, it's not any easier.

My fiance has only been in the Marines for four months (only four months!) and we've seen each other twice. Once for about 4 days during his 10-day leave after boot camp and the other for his 32-hour off-base leave at Camp Pendleton. I don't actually know when I'll see him next; it could be as soon as June or as far away as August. Still, I'm sure that what I've had is more than many Marine wives can claim right now while their husbands are deployed or on different assignments.

You may think this is a lessening of my ferver, my pride in the Marines, but it's not. Really, I'm prouder of EJ's decision to join the Marines than anything else in my life or our relationship, but I'm also aware of - and, honestly, dreading - the sacrifices both parties have to make.

I'm already researching "surviving deployment" and reading other military wives' stories. My heart grows heavy every time I think of his inevitable six or seven month absence. I'm not a strong person. I lean upon EJ for everything - strength, courage, happiness - and I dread the long periods of time where I won't have him to back me up.

Of course, I'll deal, he'll deal, we'll all survive. This is what we chose. We don't regret our decision, nor do we seek to change our situation. I just give to God my fear, my insecurity, my indecisiveness, and anything else I may need to be rid of and, in the meantime, continue on my way.


Jeez, he hasn't even deployed and I'm already talking like this.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

The American experiment in self government has failed.

I mean - it failed right around the time Lincoln disregarded the Constitution to free the slaves, it's just that everyone buried their heads in the sand and refused to see the truth, then thought that they could revive it in their own image.

(I am obviously not against the freeing of the slaves, but if such a good thing caused the failure of our self government, then we had a pretty flimsy system to begin with.)

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

I'm ashamed.

I'm ashamed of my thoughts and my lack of understanding.

As I've stated on my blog already, I'm fully convinced of the need to not only believe in God, but to follow His way of life as outlined in the Bible. That's not legalism, that's biblical living.

However, I can be filled to the brim with this belief and conviction, but, because I'm a sinful human being, my fervor and desire to obey will fade and I need to be filled up again and again. This video by Voddie Bauchman has filled me once again with the passion to live Biblically. I hope it can help to motivate you as well. If you've never heard anything like this before, listen carefully - it will challenge you.

I needed this, partially because I'm flying out to San Diego this weekend with my future-mother-in-law to see my fiance. He's at SOI (Camp Pendleton) and has to have a buddy with him whenever he's on liberty. Now, because of that buddy, I've been worrying and fretting about what I was going to wear in order to reflect well on him, but I was beginning to think along the wrong lines - I was wondering how to be "sexy" so the other guy would be jealous.

Yes, I confess, that's the truth.

Thankfully, we're saved by grace. =)

So, now I'm going to focus on not only looking nice (and modest), but being conscious of my attitude and status as a believer in Christ, so the other person will see that God is at work in our lives and perhaps he will be curious enough to ask, providing an opportunity to share the Gospel! =D

However, the biggest sin at work in my life is fear and cowardice and I never go as far into my explanations as I want to because I fear the person's reaction. Actually, any prayer for that would be much appreciated.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

On summer blockbusters

hahah. This quote is beautiful:

"So, I just got back from Prince Caspian.

I hated it.

There is very little in the movie that follows the book. ... They took Lewis' book, put it in a paper shredder, and hired some retarded 5 year olds to tape it back together.
" ~ joshonjosh at Vox Popoli

Sunday, May 11, 2008

And the name of this blog is ...!

I had a Mary vs. Martha moment the other day.

Something really sad happened: my friend told me straight up that he's not following God anymore. "I still believe in Him," he said, "I'm just not following Him." One part of me broke with sadness when I heard that and the other part wanted to laugh with derision and ask scornfully what this life had to offer that was so much better than the hope of eternally living with Jesus after the Resurrection.

The Mary vs. Martha moment occurred when, halfway through the conversation, I thought to myself, "I really need to finish dinner. The chicken is just sitting out." I realized in a moment that I was dealing with the loss of a human soul and all I could think about was finishing dinner. Wow, words cannot adequately how despicable I am.

But, then again, aren't we all?

I controlled my domestic urges and talked it out with him. His truly is a sad story: he lost his dad to a heart attack a little over a year ago, his relationship with his mother became strained and was not helped at all when she remarried about two months back, and during the conversation he told me I was one of only two Christian friends he knew.

I was left shaken and angered. Was it the church's fault? His parents? His own? There was nothing I could do except pray, but I wanted to do something tangible.

God's timing is more perfect than my own.